The Sack Artist: Jack of All Trades
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Anyway You Slice It St. Louis, Ignore The #BagelHate

3/29/2019

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Dear Readers,
As all of you know—assuming you have ever done things like read a word of this blog or heard me speak a word in public—I unabashedly love everything about my hometown. I love our processed cheese (although all cheese is processed, but whatevs). I love our macroly brewed beer. I love the late, great, undead rapper Nelly more than I love my yet to be conceived children. Basically, what I am trying to say is that, in my completely unbiased opinion, St. Louis is the greatest city on Earth. If you disagree in even the subtlest of ways, I am going to be forced to throw down in verbal fisticuffs against you. You give my city shit, and I am going to come right back at you with everything my limited intellectual capacity has to offer in what will certainly be a just semi-articulate attempt to tear your undeniably inaccurate opinion to shreds.

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A Grown Man Barely Moved For 29 Hours. This Is His Story...

3/15/2019

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Dear Readers,
Four things. A few short weeks ago my wife went out of town for a weekend, and before she left gave me a list of things she’d like me to accomplish around the house (oh yeah, I bought a house…) while she was gone. That list was composed of four things. One was to hit some buttons on the thermostat so that I knew how to set a “heating schedule.” Another was to literally replace a single light bulb. The other two tasks were probably more difficult. I’m not sure. I don’t remember what they are. Either way, this list appeared imminently achievable when it was presented to me. My wife, being the super understanding and patient person that she is (don’t at me), even told me to pace myself. She was going out of town the weekend after this one as well, and said she didn’t expect me to get all four of the enumerated items on her list done before she came back from her first trip. She just wanted me to make some progress. She just wanted me to like, you know, start.

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