As all of you should know—both because I have a fully-grown neck beard and because I have once again become a slave to traditional gender roles after I forgot to lock the bathroom door at work only to have the janitor walked in and immediately start making fun of me for peeing while sitting down—I do not wear perfume. Hell, I don’t even wear cologne. Or deodorant. Why not? Because McConaughey doesn’t wear deodorant. So, until they invent a deodorant that is designed to smell exactly like McConaughey’s undeodorized sweat, I’m going to follow Matthew’s lead and not church up my body’s scent either.
However, unlike my refusal to indulged in perfume, or aroma enhancement of any sort, I do, in fact, watch television. And one of the things I have noticed most after spending copious hours sitting in front of a 40-inch screen while eating a copious amount of hot pockets and then wondering why I have a Body mass Index of 74.3—other than the power of Steve Harvey’s mustache and the surprisingly high amount of husbands that murder their wives (or vice versa) based on my watching of Friday night episodes of 20/20—is that the fragrance market is getting their advertising on. They are getting their advertising on big-time. And they are doing it by featuring big name actresses in commercials that make absolutely no logical sense.