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Changing My Lifestyle In A Quest To Not Die...

6/23/2017

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Dear Readers,
​Spoiler alert: contrary to popular belief, I am not going to live forever. I know that this admission may be shocking to many of you. After all, given the advances in modern science and my (parents’) high-level income, there seems to be no reason that I ever have to bite the proverbial bullet. Except there is. There are several reasons in fact, a variety of medically poor choices I have made about the way I live my life, that will undoubtedly lead to my ultimate demise. Despite slurring the words “I’m gonna live forever!” each and every time I down a shot of Rumplemintz just to remind myself that going to the dentist is a terrible waste of time--see the part about medically poor choices above--the sad reality is that one day those words will become erroneous. One day, I am going to die.

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