The Sack Artist: Jack of All Trades
  • The Sack Artist: Jack of All Trades
  • Sports Blog
  • Comedy Jesus
  • SSB
  • About Me

Dear Mike Piazza: Why Don't Your Taste Buds Work?

2/24/2017

0 Comments

 
Picture
​Dear Mike Piazza,
I know you have a lot going for you, both right now, at this moment, and throughout the grand course of your life. You are in the Baseball Hall of Fame. You are married to a gorgeous woman who once drove audiences wild in the hit melodrama Baywatch Hawaii. Roger Clemens didn’t take enough steroids that one-day to cause him to jam that shard of broken bat into your neck as opposed to just sidearm whipping it in your general direction. According to Fangraphs somebody named Michael Barrett was a worse defensive catcher than you were between the years of 2002 and 2009. You, more than likely, have bench pressed 220 lbs before.

Read More
0 Comments

The Rules To Surviving In An Open Office...

2/17/2017

0 Comments

 
Picture
​Dear Readers,
As all of you assuredly know—primarily because the only people who read this Internet monstrosity are my co-workers, who are all too aware of my ability to pick my nose publicly and without shame—I work in an open office, meaning that there is nothing separating me from my fellow employees in my workspace. No walls. No cubicles. Nothing to obscure my co-workers view when I decided to do something crazy, like pluck stray eyebrow hairs out of my face using nothing but my own hands or Google “GIFs of fat kids falling from tree branches,” and laugh hysterically at these young people's plight before automatically drop a peg or seven in the esteem with which I am held in their eyes.

Read More
0 Comments

How To Tell You Haven't Quite Made It In Life Yet...

2/3/2017

0 Comments

 
Picture
Dear Readers,
You all know the feeling. Well, actually, maybe you don’t because I haven’t told you what said feeling is yet. OK, so in the sentence after this one you will know the feeling. Here it is: the feeling that you have just sort of fallen behind in life. The feeling that, no matter how many times you’ve paid the property tax on a Volvo sedan your parents gave you for $0 plus interest, you just haven’t made it as far as you were supposed to be by this point. The feeling that, when you strip away all the pomp and circumstance and that time you ran into Meghan Edmonds King in a random parking lot due to her yoga studio being located directly next to the Great Clips where you just got your hair cut, you are just kind of stuck in the mediocrity your parents told you would never be a part of after you read at a 6th grade level on the last day of 5th grade and they, for that brief moment, expected big things from you.

Read More
0 Comments

    Archives

    June 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    December 2018
    October 2018
    August 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    June 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    November 2014
    August 2013
    May 2013

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.